Gender has become one of my favorite subjects. I’ve been
partnered with more than one person with fluid or trans or ambiguous gender
expression, supported them through finding their truth and figuring out how to live
it in the world, and have clients with varying gender expressions. I feel quite
solid in my non-binary worldview. Much has been in the news about all the
controversy people make over trans people and bathroom usage, tossing around
language of predatory behavior and sexualization in the process. I’ve never been
one of those. I just figure that people know which door they feel most aligned
with going into, and leave it at that. The question smacks of heteronormativity
in a big way too, assuming that similarly gendered people don’t objectify or
make gestures toward each other. It’s important to me to address bias and
assumptions whenever possible, in myself and in others when appropriate.
So, I’ll come right out and name the privilege pieces that I
can claim. I’m white, cis-gender, highly educated, lower-middle class, able
bodied, neuro-typical. There are other ways in which I’m not privileged. I’m female,
queer, polyamorous, kinky, alternatively spiritual, and overweight. I try to
remain aware of when my privilege is in effect, and to do what I can to
alleviate the imbalance that can create. That said, I had an experience
recently that brought my cis-privilege home for me to a new level.
This week I attended the volunteer orientation for the
Creating Change conference, put on by the National LGBTQ Task Force, which
happens to be in Denver this year. I’ve never been to the conference before,
but it looks like a fabulous week full of activism and leadership and
exploration into how to build a more equitable and friendly culture for all
types of people. They took over a large hotel downtown, and resigned all the
bathrooms Gender Neutral. I understand and fully support this, but my reactions
to it included a few surprises. Looking at both doors, not sure which one I
should use, thinking to myself “What if I pick the ‘wrong’ one, and someone
using a urinal is uncomfortable with my being there? What if I need to dispose
of menstrual supplies? Is it cool to throw them out in the regular trash? Or do
I need to pack them out?” I found myself waiting nearby, half hoping to see
someone else enter or leave one of the doors, so I’d better know where I
belonged. Then the a-ha hit that this was cis-privilege in action. These kind
of questions arise for non-cis people all the time. I got a little delighted by
this realization, and dove into my discomfort, and just went into a bathroom.
The experience left me with an increased awareness of the
variety of experiences people can have in a world so steeped in binary
assumptions, and furthered my desire to be an active ally in the realm of
gender expression. Part of being responsible with one’s privilege is learning
to use it consciously in the service of those without it. The journey of
awareness doesn’t really stop. It deepens and takes on more subtlety in texture
and nuance. It’s a fantastic journey to take though!
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