Consistency vs Novelty

So many things these days are understood as spectrum phenomena. I think this pairing would fit into that as well. Neither is entirely dark, nor bright. They are both neutral, and people fall somewhere along a line according to what they need and function best with.

Consistency. That feeling you get when you can predict happenings in your world, count on things to unfold in manageable and understandable ways. Behavior that is habitual, ongoing, and reliable. Any time you want to build or break a habit, you are working with Consistency. Want to exercise more? Eat more vegetables? Floss your teeth regularly? Meditate more often? Consistency is your friend. Saying yes to these things on a regular basis, building routines that support regularity, and rewarding your developing track record are necessary.
Then there's the downside to Consistency. When your supportive routines become ruts, when the workout that jump-started you no longer gets results, when you realize you've been going through the motions in life and not fully engaging or being present with yourself and your actions, Consistency may have gotten unbalanced for you. Or when you're trying to break a bad habit or even an addictive behavior, consciously upsetting your routines and creating new ones is called for.

Novelty. When you try something new, not knowing if you're going to like it, or be good at it, or if it'll be a gigantic flop. Stretching your world beyond comfort zones. Beginner mind sees things as full of potential, realizing that you don't know everything in the world, that there is much to be learned/seen/discovered. Embracing the mystery. Anytime you want to try your hand at a new sport, or a new hobby, date someone new, or take a relationship to another level, you are interacting with Novelty. It can keep life and relationships fresh and exciting. It's been shown that doing something new with a partner can bring back feelings of romance that may have been gone since your honeymoon phase.
But too much Novelty and you lose your grounding. Seeking excitement and sensation can become an addiction in and of itself. Flitting from one adventure to the next means that you're not dedicating energy in a focused way toward life goals as much. Accomplishments take work and effort and time and grit, none of which are really good friends with Novelty.

So in the end, it's another case of balance. Got something you need or want to accomplish? Time to make friends with Consistency. Feeling bored and stagnant? Let Novelty take your hand and show you adventure. They're both fantastic and necessary, just very different energies.

Getting weak and vulnerable. It's a two-way street. (Day 8?)

It's fine to be weak and vulnerable. I believe this. It's normal. We all go there. Going there makes you human and real. So I'm going to practice what I preach.

Hi. My name is Heather. It's been 2 weeks since my last blog entry. I meant to do it for 30 days straight, and I got 7 in a row done before I lost my motivation and stopped. I'm embarrassed about that, but I'm also happy and proud of myself for doing 7 in a row like that. Usually it can be months between my blog entries. Am I ever going to be a daily blogger? Hell no! But I can push myself for bits of time and do more than I thought possible.

Even therapists have our struggles. A good counselor education program will include a requirement that budding therapists have their own counselor and do their own work. Working in this field brings up your own issues in a way that most people never get to know. They don't see the times where we are internally aghast at ourselves for counseling clients about the same issues we ourselves were working on in the very recent past. They don't feel the click of synchronicity that happens when a client shows up and needs exactly the advice you picked up in your recent continuing education reading. They don't feel the tremor of wonder and anxiety that can come from the awareness that we are being used by Something larger and greater than ourselves for the healing of another. A client comes in and tells you their vulnerability story about something that happened to them when they were younger that they never told anyone about before, and the thing is, you have been in spookily similar shoes in your own past, and now that experience is coming back to you while you're sitting there in session with them.

Over the course of 2 weeks, I lost more than half my clients. All for legitimate reasons, which I can fully be supportive of. A couple of those involved being financially hard up. That kind of thing is everywhere. People are sacrificing expenses that equal self-care all the time for the sake of meeting daily living expenses. It's a matter of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. When food and housing and transportation aren't possible, emotional healthcare and relationship building and self-actualization are just not within reach. Their suffering becomes my suffering, however, when they stop therapy and thus I can't make my ends meet. It's a weird world, and a weird place to be put in emotionally. But in the end, we pick ourselves back up, show up yet again, keep doing our work, and keep trying. And we find a deeper empathy for those we share the world with.

A Personal Note on Healing and Anxiety

One of my favorite authors in the world of natural healing is Susun Weed. The mindset of healing that she advocates is called the Wise Woman Tradition. It's simple, nourishing, empowering. I'm reminded of it today because I needed a day of doing nothing. There have been enough busy days in my life, that I needed to spend time doing as little as possible, resting, nourishing myself with simple family moments strung together. The steps talked about in Wise Woman Healing are these:

Step 0 - Do Nothing 
Step 1 - Collect Information 
Step 2 - Engage the Energy 
Step 3 - Nourish and Tonify 
Step 4 - Stimulate & Sedate 
Step 5 - Use Drugs 
Step 6 - Break & Enter 

It's a matter of starting slow, respecting the body (and I'll broaden that to include mind, emotions, and soul, because it's all One after all) and its ability to heal and rebalance itself, and moving on in more intense steps bit by bit as it becomes necessary. 

At some point in the day, I was sitting on the couch, reading a library book, thoroughly enjoying a chance to do some self exploration. It was one of those books where every few paragraphs you have to stop and think awhile and maybe do some writing about what's coming up for you. Out of my Doing Nothing, came Collecting Information. I was able to put a few pieces together about the origins of some of my anxious, sometimes catastrophic thoughts that arise from time to time. I learned to see that those thoughts can be seen as saboteurs of  joy, because joy carries risk of loss with it. I took a nap soon after, paying attention to what my dreams were saying (Engaging the Energy), and came up with a couple ideas on how to better approach those anxious moments from a position that honors and nourishes my sense of self and belonging in the world. I can remind myself that I am Enough, that this moment is Enough, that there is Enough to be grateful for and allow myself to feel Joy about. 

I do struggle with Anxiety. Yes, therapists have their own issues as well as anyone else does. It's been a companion of mine for a very long time, and I learn all the time about more ways that I can pay attention to it and learn to transform it into more comfortable feelings. The way I see it, listening to yourSelf when it speaks in small ways and only needs small interventions makes it so that you don't have to go down the road of intense pain and fear and big interventions so often. 

And I have to wonder, will any of my readers be able to guess what book I was reading on my couch today? We shall see. :) 

Does Synchronicity Flirt with You Too? (Day 4(5) of 30)

I'm a big fan of synchronicity. In theory as well as practice. It strikes me as so cool that events and happenings in the external world can have so much to say about our internal world. From little things to big gasping coincidences that really aren't coincidental, it benefits us greatly to pay attention.

We used to call them "Object lessons." Dad was a pastor, and he used to have fun improvising them. He'd ask whatever group he was talking to to throw out a word. Then he'd build a little object lesson around it. Of course, at the time, the theme of every object lesson was something that applied to Christianity. "Hmmm, scissors? Let's see. Scissors are just Swords of Truth working in tandem, helping us cut away the waste from pages of life." While the themes that show up for me are much more broad now, I am very grateful for the early training in being able to spot things in the world around me and find meaning in them.

Yesterday one of my friends posted a link to this video. I loved the idea of the world around us, seen and unseen, flirting with us through things that catch our attention. A sign of affection, of our acceptance in the world around us, while at the same time communicating needed messages.

Sort of gives new meaning to the words of an old hymn that is coming back to me from the depths of memory all of a sudden..

Open my eyes, that I may see

glimpses of truth thou hast for me;

place in my hands the wonderful key

that shall unclasp and set me free. 

Open my eyes, illumine me, Spirit divine!

So, slow down, pay attention to what grabs your attention, and see what comes of it. You might be surprised!  

Cycles: Resistance is Futile

There are things that come back into our lives over and over again. Some are pleasant reminders, some are trials that we find ourselves repeating variations of more times than we care to count or admit. You may not be able to control the fact that the cycle happens, but there can be ways of making a peaceful friend out of it. To illustrate, I’ll use the hormonal cycle that happens on a relatively monthly basis for female bodied people, the effect that seasonal changes have on our emotional state, and the phenomenon of anniversaries of major life events.

See the positives along with the negatives

                In the case of female hormone effects, yes, it can be true that our monthly cycle can be inconvenient, uncomfortable, embarrassing, or turbulent. Much depends on the messages we absorbed while growing into adulthood in a world with strange and conflicting attitudes about women. When you see things through a mind-body lens, you might ask questions like: What is my body asking me to do to take care of myself right now? How do I feel about riding the waves of hormonal ebb and flow? Can I honor my downs as well as my up times?

                If every time the wheel of the year turns toward cold and dark times, you find yourself with low energy and mopey moods, you can recognize that on a visceral level, your body is attuned to Nature. The light dims around you, which may encourage your eyes to close. So meditate more, or take more naps perhaps. A chill settles in, so see about bundling up with loved ones for more warm cuddles, or make a slow simmering pot of nourishing soup. Maybe even call some friends over to share your warmth, enhancing your sense of community and belonging.

                Anniversaries arise for all sorts of things, both positive and negative. The day you graduated from college may forever be a day for optimism and celebration for you. The place you had your first date with the person who became your spouse could likely always hold a special place in your heart. But also, there are anniversaries like the day a parent died, that make you remember and grieve afresh for a bit. Or the day that you survived an assault that each year brings back a sense of pain and anxiety. If you aren’t aware of the day being a significant one, the emotional up or down swing could take you by surprise and be harder to incorporate into present day reality.

Have the agency to be your own advocate when you need it

                This suggestion especially takes effect when the cyclical effect is negative to the point of needing intervention. There are people whose menstrual cycles send them into deep anxiety or depression, or make them miss out on significant parts of life because of the pain they feel. If you need to, educate yourself on your symptoms. Try some of the self-care and remedies that are suggested. If necessary, see a medical and/or mental health professional for personalized support. If what you need is solitude and a hot water bottle and a good book, then do what you can to claim that. You can set your boundaries as needed and care for yourself in ways you know are best for you.

                Energy ebb and flow on a seasonal basis may be something you are used to, and can handle just fine most of the time. But if there comes a time when you find you just can’t function at levels you need to, if you’re in over your head and unable to self-care your way out of the tunnel, then likewise seek professional help of whatever type you feel best. If you need to explain to your loved ones that you’re not upset about anything, but you’re just feeling quiet for a while, that’s fine. Do so. It actually sets a wonderful example of boundary setting and stating your Truth clearly.

                I know someone who is quite familiar with the fact that the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas is difficult for them for reasons of family losses during that season. He is able to give those close to him a heads-up that he’ll likely be more emotional and quiet then. Things like that can help. For me personally, there often is a stretch in mid-February that reminds me of someone who was special to me for a while. Knowing that time period is coming helps me not take bittersweet moods too seriously. They will pass. My spouse knows that my mind goes there sometimes, and doesn’t take it personally.  If your anniversaries arrive bringing triggers of trauma and unresolved grief that overwhelms you, that is likely a sign to talk to a professional and get some extra support.

Mindfulness and Body/Mind methods

                I’m a pretty big fan of meditation in general. It can settle emotional turbulence, create a pause button between feeling and action or words, show you the messed up things your mind tells yourself, and give access to greater peace and calm. While meditating during your bleeding time, you might focus on the idea of flowing water, or openness. During the highs of mid-cycle ovulation time, meditation just eases your ability to feel blissful connection to other people and the world around you. You may touch on a deep sensuality that you can bring to the surface and enjoy alone or with a partner. Your body may tell you about a food that it wants in order to find balance or pleasure. Why not listen to that voice and try giving it what it wants?

                Quieting the mind enough to really be able to Feel and Be, can be so helpful. When Nature turns dark and your energy feels gone, I wonder if you sank into your body and brought awareness to what you’re feeling internally and externally, would you find that actually your energy is Not gone, but has moved to another place that you don’t normally think about. If, when you’re feeling depressed or isolationist, you check in with your entire being, what does that actually feel like? Give it descriptive words, get to know it on a more intimate level. Let it talk to you, and respect what it has to say. It might become a seasonal companion that walks by your side instead of a package of troublesome symptoms.

                Anniversaries ask for our attention to details that we don’t ordinarily think about. Scents that remind you of other times, songs that wring emotion from you because they were someone else’s favorite song, a kind of car you used to drive that for some reason you keep seeing everywhere you go. Open your eyes to synchronicities. They’re everywhere, and they can clue you in to layers of meaning that can help you heal and grow. When your memories are more traumatic than bittersweet, those reminders can more accurately be called Triggers. You can tell that’s the case if your emotional reaction is out of proportion to the current moment. Your body may feel agitated, cold, frozen in place, or ready to lash out in violence of word or deed. When you recognize that that’s where you’re at, it’s time to be really gentle with yourself, as if you were a beloved friend who’s in the middle of a crisis situation. In your mind, you really are in crisis mode. Breathe deeply. Put on some wordless music that can soothe you. Ask for a hug. Drink a glass of water. When the reaction starts to subside, then you can look into why it happened that way for you. Find a trusted friend or professional to help contain your experience and memories and reactions with you.

We all have cyclical things that we deal with. Regardless of gender or age or ethnicity or anything else, it’s part of being human. The moon and stars and sun and earth beneath us move in cycles, and we are made of that stuff deep in our cells, so we do too. Flowing with it is much more meaningful than resisting it. 

When Therapy Works (Day 3/30)

Birds flying high you know how I feel

Sun in the sky you know how I feel

Breeze driftin' on by you know how I feel

(refrain:)x2

It's a new dawn

It's a new day

It's a new life

For me

And I'm feeling good

Fish in the sea you know how I feel

River running free you know how I feel

Blossom on the tree you know how I feel

(refrain)

Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know

Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean

Sleep in peace when day is done

That's what I mean

And this old world is a new world

And a bold world

For me

Stars when you shine you know how I feel

Scent of the pine you know how I feel

Oh freedom is mine

And I know how I feel

When you've faced down what scares and shames you. When you allowed yourself to truly Feel the residue of things you thought you'd left behind you long ago, When you've cracked yourself open, both to yourself and to your trusted therapist, and gotten to know areas of your Soul/Psyche that you might not have even known were there when you started on your journey. Then you may find that there come times where you feel a grand spaciousness open up inside you. You can run with confidence through the field and not worry about tripping into landmines. You can gaze up at the sky and feel its largeness reflected in your Being. You look in the mirror and see the sparkle that you arrived in this lifetime to share with the world looking back at you. Love blossoms in you, for yourself and the world you live in. It's not that the pains you suffered cease to exist, but they get to become badges of honor that tell you what you've lived through and grown from. They are the darker threads that weave through the tapestry that is you, providing a contrast that lets your gloriousness shine all the brighter. You finally feel at home in your skin, secure in your place and your worth. You are unique, special, powerful, with amazing contributions to make to the world and your fellow travelers. Go be that! Go do that! 

A sampling of good books on BDSM (Day 2 of 30)

Everyone who hasn’t been holed up in a cave for the past few years likely knows about the 50 Shades series of books out there. And all variations of media are talking about the movie, which came out this Valentine’s Day. Some people love it and are overflowing with excitement about seeing the movie, or are now on the lookout for their own version of Christian and/or Ana. Others are decrying the whole trend as an example of perversion and abuse. Still others love BDSM, whether in private or in community, and are saddened and/or upset by the portrayal of what should be a consensual relationship built on trust and intensity instead of pressure and lack of communication. Whatever your personal perspective, the fact remains that this surge of interest in these books is translating into a greater exposure and experimentation with the world of kink.

It’s a world I am happy to be a part of, personally. I discovered kink in 2000, and it’s been a part of my relationships in varying degrees ever since. The local community here in Denver has shifted and morphed (as things like this do) since then, but I’m still a part of it. I decided to write this blog entry to share with my readers some of the books that have been foundational for myself and others I know. They are written by people who live it and are passionate about it, and have the voice of knowledge and experience and perspective to share with the public. There are other books out there that are well-written and good reads, but I chose to only include ones that I have personal knowledge of.

The Basics

Ultimate Guide to Kink

                This book is a compilation of writings on lots of kinky subjects, by various kinky presenters. The editor wrote the intro and first chapter, which is on definitions. There’s a lot of experience and awesome perspectives presented in this book. From the intro, “This book is for everyone who dares to expand their erotic horizons beyond the ordinary. For all hose who like to give and receive intense sensations. For the people who eroticize power and cultivate consciousness in sex and relationships. For anyone who loves to dance on the line between pleasure and pain. For folks who nurture naked creativity and make fantasies come to life. This book is about kink.”

http://www.amazon.com/Ultimate-Guide-Kink-BDSM-Erotic-ebook/dp/B007C2JPTQ/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1423840794&sr=1-1&keywords=ultimate+guide+to+kink

50 Shades of Kink

This is the one book on my list today that I haven’t actually read. I stumbled across it when searching for my links, and decided to give it a nod here as well. The author is someone whose perspective I appreciate and trust a lot, and it’s so directly tied into the reason for this writing in the first place that how could I resist? It’s now on my wishlist to read sometime soon.

http://www.amazon.com/50-Shades-Kink-Introduction-BDSM-ebook/dp/B00B0YPJI8/ref=pd_sim_b_1?ie=UTF8&refRID=1JBSE6QVRK6KTQ0320WK

Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns

Many people find their way to kink through this book. It’s an excellent starter set of info for beginners. You’ll learn about definitions of words and concepts like sadism, masochism, dominance, submission. All kinds of different activities are introduced, from spanking to wax to biting to roleplay. It covers safety and consent in easily understood ways: which areas of the body are safe and fun to play with, how to talk about what you want and don’t want to happen in an interaction with someone. There are plenty of illustrations to show in visual ways how things can work out. In general, Screw the Roses will get you started in a safe and fun manner, and give you tools to find out what could come next for you in your kink journey.

http://www.amazon.com/Screw-Roses-Send-Thorns-Sadomasochism/dp/0964596008/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1423841024&sr=8-2&keywords=screw+the+roses+give+me+the+thorns

SM101

This book was actually the first one I read, personally, on my path of discovering the dark side of sex. I devoured it in about 48 hours. Jay covers the topic thoroughly and reasonably, with a solid eye toward safety, which is so important. His use of quotes on the sidebars brings the subject matter into focus nicely, and shows a bit of the variety of experiences that are out there to be had. There are sections with practical how-to’s to get your feet wet with, and sections with discussion of theory and role and motivation. It has a bit more of a mature tone than Screw the Roses, but is a very accessible read as well.

http://www.amazon.com/SM-101-A-Realistic-Introduction/dp/0963976389/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_y

Roles and Perspectives

The Topping Book

This book, and its counterpart that is next in the list, do a good job at showing the difference in perspective between the person who likes giving the sensation (the Top) and the one who likes receiving it (the Bottom). The authors collected personal experiences from people who live it and love it on both sides of the equation. The headspace of the Top includes feelings of personal power, responsibility, the rush of timelessness, and the control that comes from having someone grant you the trust over them and their experience moment by moment. "In any S/M exchange there is a sharing of power - the bottom lends his power to the top for the duration, the top adds power, and together they make a lot of voltage. The top gets to wield all this power, a form of extreme empowerment that is exciting, thrilling, hot, erotic, and very very sexy." (The Topping Book, pg 10-11) 

There are similarities in the Bottom’s headspace, but it also includes the sensation of being held, the surrender to the will of a trusted partner, freedom from having to make choices, riding waves of endorphins from the physical interactions with the Top. Some of the benefits to bottoming that this book includes are, "lowers the boundaries...feeling desired...feeling nurtured or taken care of...it's incredibly cathartic... turns our brains off...a chance to please the people we care about...just plain puts us in overdrive" (The Bottoming  Book, pg 12-13) The authors have included some good information about negotiation, consent, and aftercare in both as well.

http://www.amazon.com/New-Topping-Book-Dossie-Easton-ebook/dp/B006T2ULTI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1423841712&sr=8-1&keywords=the+topping+book

The Bottoming Book

http://www.amazon.com/The-Bottoming-Book-Dossie-Easton-ebook/dp/B005HZ6GGU/ref=pd_sim_kstore_1?ie=UTF8&refRID=1S6Z5N3RDDQ21726K2N6

Slavecraft

There are those out there who crave a more encompassing handing over of control to another. For them, the label of Slave can feel appropriate. Slavecraft goes in depth about the motivations and mindset that goes along with that desire, with essays from various writers who describe what it is about what they do that fulfills them. It discusses how to find the right person to pair up with in a relationship like this, things to make sure you talk about with them before committing to it, the giving of service from a willing and open heart, the struggle to trust on an ongoing basis, the devotion that can be possible in a relationship built on surrender and service. It’s a nice look into a specific sort of connection that appeals to some, but not all.

http://www.amazon.com/SlaveCraft-Roadmaps-Erotic-Servitude--Principles-Skills/dp/1881943143/ref=sr_1_cc_1?s=aps&ie=UTF8&qid=1423841781&sr=1-1-catcorr&keywords=Slavecraft

Bondage and Toys

Bondage for Sex

You can do bondage to create beautiful designs on a lover’s body. You can do bondage that creates painful predicaments. There are many reasons to get some rope out. This book talks specifically about ways to use rope and bondage to enhance your sex with your partner. The ties are easy and functional for bedroom use. There are illustrations given for stages along the process, so you can see how things are supposed to lie on the body for safety and comfort.

http://www.amazon.com/Bondage-Paperback-Author-Chanta-Rose/dp/B00E7HP4MQ/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1423841498&sr=1-1&keywords=Bondage+for+sex

The Seductive Art of Japanese Rope Bondage

The photography in this book is stunning, and the author's expertise in the subject shines through brightly. She includes bits of inner perspective from both the Top and Bottom viewpoints, and at times gives some history of the techniques she's including. There's simple things to try, and more elaborate ropework to sink into.  

http://www.amazon.com/The-Seductive-Art-Japanese-Bondage/dp/1890159387/ref=pd_sim_b_3?ie=UTF8&refRID=16H8WHWT9YBCCX0N5NKR

Kinky Crafts

You may be captivated by images of dungeons stocked with shiny metal and rich leather furniture, but you certainly don’t need a lot of money, or loads of bells and whistles to have a kinky good time with a lover. There’s lots of fun toys you can make on your own, with a trip to your local home improvement/hardware store (there’s a reason it’s affectionately known as Dom Depot). Here’s a book full of instructions on how to make bondage devices, spanking toys, clips and clamps and furniture with minimal DIY skills.

http://www.amazon.com/21st-Century-Kinkycrafts-Janet-Hardy-ebook/dp/B005HZ6GLK/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1423841825&sr=1-2&keywords=Kinky+Crafts

Fiction and Fantasy

Kushiel’s Series

Looking for a good read with high quality writing, hot sex, and spicy kink? Kushiel’s Legacy is definitely worth a try. The main character is a woman who learned early on that she experiences pain and pleasure together. She comes of age in a society that is built around the principle of “Love as thou wilt”, that sees sex as a spiritual practice, and becomes a woman of power and influence. It makes for a delightfully sex positive, pansexual culture. There’s espionage, political intrigue, romance, betrayal, and beautiful descriptions laced all through it. Can’t recommend it highly enough.

http://www.amazon.com/Kushiels-Dart-Legacy-Book-One-ebook/dp/B0055DLCAY/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1423842116&sr=1-1&keywords=kushiel%27s+dart

The Marketplace Series

The 6^th book just came out recently, and I haven’t read it yet, but definitely plan to. This series weaves multiple characters together through the theme of voluntary, contracted erotic slavery. There are gender expressions and sexual orientation configurations to please just about anyone, making it a beautifully pansexual read. The characters are seen going through personal struggles in their sexual journey at times, as well as being thoroughly delighted by the choices they make and the situations they find themselves in. You may well find yourself emotionally invested in one or more characters, eagerly awaiting the next phase in their story.

http://www.amazon.com/Marketplace-Book-One-ebook/dp/B003UV989U/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1423963199&sr=1-1&keywords=the+marketplace

The House of Dark Delights

There’s a lot of various kinds of edgy sex in this book and the other that follows it. Supernatural beings engaging with humans, shapeshifters, kinky encounters, voyeuristic scenes, just to elaborate on a few kinds of edges. The fantasy element runs strong, and the sex is hot.

http://www.amazon.com/House-Dark-Delights-Louisa-Burton/dp/0553384120/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1423963350&sr=1-1&keywords=the+house+of+dark+delights

There are many other good books out there, but this selection can give the curious seekers a good place to start. If you want to go further, visit your local sex or leather shop, ask the people there what they recommend (which is sometimes very different than what is popular), and maybe think about seeking out a community of actual kinky people in your local area. We usually love talking about what it is that we do and why we do it. Look for things called Munches, and take some workshops if there is something offered that looks interesting to you. See if you can find your feet in what it is that you are looking for, then go out and find that. Happy kinky explorations to you! 

www.alternaterootscounseling.com

Heather Austin, LPCC, NCC

303-522-8839