Shadows surround us. Bright and Dark, we try not to look too
deeply into either one. The concept began with Carl Jung, that we each have a
Shadow side that holds that which we avoid or deny the existence of in
ourselves. It’s easy to recognize the dark scary things like the unknown chaser
in your dream that you keep trying to run faster from and just can’t escape as
Shadow figures. But how about that celebrity in your other dream that picks you
out of the crowd and beckons you onstage with them? Can you imagine them as a
different part of your Shadow? In both cases you may feel the adrenaline rush
of anxiety, wake up with your heart pounding, or ask yourself “Wth was that all
about??” upon waking.
It’s a pretty natural human response to avoid that which
scares us. Fight or flight is a powerful instinct that serves us well, when it
saves us from a true predator situation. But when the threat isn’t a threat to
our existence, but only to our assumptions and comfort zones, it serves us
better to turn and face what we fear. If we can look at it with openness to the
possibility that it is actually there to offer us gifts we didn’t even know we had
access to, then all of a sudden our world gets richer, and our sense of Self
gets larger and stronger.
Because I’m an optimist, always preferring to look for the
silver lining, find the blessing lens to flip down in front of a challenge, and
say “it could be so easily worse”, I offer the following from the positive side
first.
(Adapted from an exercise in The Dark Side of the Light
Chasers, by Debbie Ford)
To explore some of what may be awaiting you in your Bright
Shadow, first think about someone you think so highly of that you would call
them a hero, idolize them, look up to the example they set. This person could
be alive now, or someone from history, someone you know personally, or someone
who’s only on your bucket list. When you’ve found that person in your thoughts,
hold them there, picture them as clearly as you can, and feel the emotions that
flow when you dwell on them. Then open your eyes and spend a few minutes
writing down words and phrases that describe them. Try not to censor yourself
or pass any judgment on the words that come to mind and end up on the paper.
Write their name on the page somewhere for future reference.
Turn the paper over and think for a few minutes about a
person that you can’t stand the thought of. You are offended by them, you
shudder at the thought of what they’ve done or the kind of person they are, you
don’t care to ever be in their presence. Just like before, this could be
someone you actually know, or not. They could be current or past, larger than
life, or the kid down the street that picked on you. And like before, allow them to come to life
in your thoughts for a few minutes. Make a list on the paper of the words and
phrases that come to mind describing them, and write their name down as well.
Go up to the top of the page, and read each item on the
list, starting each phrase with their name…
Uncle Jack is too loud. Uncle Jack is rude.
Uncle Jack yells all the time.
Now it’s time to look in the Dark Mirror. Go back to the top
of the list, and exchange the person in the sentence…
I am too loud. I am rude. I yell all the
time.
One more time, read the list, this time slowly and out loud,
exploring the potential truth of the words.
I am too loud…..I am rude…..I yell all the
time….
Sit in quietness for a few minutes, or perhaps take out your
journal and write down your reactions and revelations. Then it’ll be time to
return to the happier territory of the Bright Mirror.
Flip to the list of traits describing your positive person.
And go through this exercise with them in mind instead…
Marie Curie was brilliant. Marie Curie was
curious. Marie Curie was dedicated.
I am brilliant. I am curious. I
am dedicated.
I am brilliant…..I am
curious…..I am dedicated…..
Again, spend some time letting these truths and potentials
settle in. Which set of words was harder for you to apply to yourself? I’d
guess both are pretty hard to hear. But the thing about the Shadow, is that it
helps us learn that what we see in others, either to hate or to love, is
something we may likely be projecting onto them from that which we hide from in
ourselves.
In the never-ending quest for self-awareness, I find this
exercise and ones like it to be a tremendously valuable tool. May you find
nuggets of Truth about your Self around every corner, and thus your life will
become richer and more fascinating all the time.
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