I See You

Why is it so hard to let yourself be seen? And I’m not talking about eyeballs receiving the nerve stimulus that translates in brains that you are present. I’m talking about people seeing who you really are…dropping the mask just a little bit when someone looks into your eyes and letting them see into your Soul.  Making deep connections with people is a beautiful gift, but like many valuable gifts, it’s hard to accept at times. How often do we hear people say, when given something precious, “Oh I can’t accept that. It’s too much.”? There are many reasons for this, but they likely fall into a few themes.

I don’t deserve it. I’m unworthy to accept something this special. I haven’t done anything to earn this.

If I accept this, I’m worried that it’ll obligate me to give something back that has equal value.

If I show how truly delighted I am with this, I become exposed and vulnerable. So I’ll just pretend I don’t want it.

One of the beautiful things about therapy that many are shaken by when they first experience it, is that for a small space of time, you are sitting with someone who Sees you. You find a place of trust with them that allows you to feel safe enough to begin dropping that mask. Little by little, you relax and open your dark places. When you do, you see that this person still accepts you unconditionally, and can help you see your wholeness within the pieces.

You earned the right to this by being as fully human as anyone else, flaws and all. And the structured nature of the therapeutic alliance means that questions of obligation are null and void. The sticking point comes in the fear of vulnerability. Some are afraid that the struggles they are dealing with are too much for anyone to handle. Some realize that if they show someone else what is inside them, they will have to face it themselves, and they aren’t sure they are really ready to do that. Being vulnerable to oneself is sometimes the harder task. Many people are used to being disappointed by their interpersonal experiences. Enough people have let them down that they hold their armor quite close and tight now, out of a self-protection instinct that has sadly become warranted. As a therapist, I consider it a distinct honor and responsibility to be let into the gaps in someone’s armor. It is part of the calling that is my career that I do everything in my power to provide an experience that begins the work of correcting the track record of misplaced trust and wariness, replacing it with unconditional open-eyed acceptance and appreciation.

To close, I offer this song, as a way to describe the feelings behind being Seen.