There are things that come back into our lives over and over
again. Some are pleasant reminders, some are trials that we find ourselves
repeating variations of more times than we care to count or admit. You may not
be able to control the fact that the cycle happens, but there can be ways of
making a peaceful friend out of it. To illustrate, I’ll use the hormonal cycle
that happens on a relatively monthly basis for female bodied people, the effect
that seasonal changes have on our emotional state, and the phenomenon of
anniversaries of major life events.
See the positives
along with the negatives
In the case of female
hormone effects, yes, it can be true that our monthly cycle can be
inconvenient, uncomfortable, embarrassing, or turbulent. Much depends on the
messages we absorbed while growing into adulthood in a world with strange and
conflicting attitudes about women. When you see things through a mind-body
lens, you might ask questions like: What is my body asking me to do to take
care of myself right now? How do I feel about riding the waves of hormonal ebb
and flow? Can I honor my downs as well as my up times?
If
every time the wheel of the year turns toward cold and dark times, you find
yourself with low energy and mopey moods, you can recognize that on a visceral
level, your body is attuned to Nature. The light dims around you, which may
encourage your eyes to close. So meditate more, or take more naps perhaps. A
chill settles in, so see about bundling up with loved ones for more warm
cuddles, or make a slow simmering pot of nourishing soup. Maybe even call some
friends over to share your warmth, enhancing your sense of community and
belonging.
Anniversaries
arise for all sorts of things, both positive and negative. The day you
graduated from college may forever be a day for optimism and celebration for
you. The place you had your first date with the person who became your spouse
could likely always hold a special place in your heart. But also, there are
anniversaries like the day a parent died, that make you remember and grieve
afresh for a bit. Or the day that you survived an assault that each year brings
back a sense of pain and anxiety. If you aren’t aware of the day being a
significant one, the emotional up or down swing could take you by surprise and
be harder to incorporate into present day reality.
Have the agency to be
your own advocate when you need it
This suggestion especially
takes effect when the cyclical effect is negative to the point of needing
intervention. There are people whose menstrual cycles send them into deep
anxiety or depression, or make them miss out on significant parts of life
because of the pain they feel. If you need to, educate yourself on your
symptoms. Try some of the self-care and remedies that are suggested. If necessary,
see a medical and/or mental health professional for personalized support. If
what you need is solitude and a hot water bottle and a good book, then do what
you can to claim that. You can set your boundaries as needed and care for
yourself in ways you know are best for you.
Energy
ebb and flow on a seasonal basis may be something you are used to, and can
handle just fine most of the time. But if there comes a time when you find you
just can’t function at levels you need to, if you’re in over your head and
unable to self-care your way out of the tunnel, then likewise seek professional
help of whatever type you feel best. If you need to explain to your loved ones
that you’re not upset about anything, but you’re just feeling quiet for a
while, that’s fine. Do so. It actually sets a wonderful example of boundary
setting and stating your Truth clearly.
I know
someone who is quite familiar with the fact that the time between Thanksgiving
and Christmas is difficult for them for reasons of family losses during that
season. He is able to give those close to him a heads-up that he’ll likely be
more emotional and quiet then. Things like that can help. For me personally,
there often is a stretch in mid-February that reminds me of someone who was
special to me for a while. Knowing that time period is coming helps me not take
bittersweet moods too seriously. They will pass. My spouse knows that my mind
goes there sometimes, and doesn’t take it personally. If your anniversaries arrive bringing
triggers of trauma and unresolved grief that overwhelms you, that is likely a
sign to talk to a professional and get some extra support.
Mindfulness and
Body/Mind methods
I’m a
pretty big fan of meditation in general. It can settle emotional turbulence,
create a pause button between feeling and action or words, show you the messed
up things your mind tells yourself, and give access to greater peace and calm.
While meditating during your bleeding time, you might focus on the idea of
flowing water, or openness. During the highs of mid-cycle ovulation time,
meditation just eases your ability to feel blissful connection to other people
and the world around you. You may touch on a deep sensuality that you can bring
to the surface and enjoy alone or with a partner. Your body may tell you about
a food that it wants in order to find balance or pleasure. Why not listen to
that voice and try giving it what it wants?
Quieting
the mind enough to really be able to Feel and Be, can be so helpful. When
Nature turns dark and your energy feels gone, I wonder if you sank into your
body and brought awareness to what you’re feeling internally and externally,
would you find that actually your energy is Not gone, but has moved to another
place that you don’t normally think about. If, when you’re feeling depressed or
isolationist, you check in with your entire being, what does that actually feel
like? Give it descriptive words, get to know it on a more intimate level. Let
it talk to you, and respect what it has to say. It might become a seasonal
companion that walks by your side instead of a package of troublesome symptoms.
Anniversaries
ask for our attention to details that we don’t ordinarily think about. Scents
that remind you of other times, songs that wring emotion from you because they
were someone else’s favorite song, a kind of car you used to drive that for
some reason you keep seeing everywhere you go. Open your eyes to
synchronicities. They’re everywhere, and they can clue you in to layers of
meaning that can help you heal and grow. When your memories are more traumatic
than bittersweet, those reminders can more accurately be called Triggers. You
can tell that’s the case if your emotional reaction is out of proportion to the
current moment. Your body may feel agitated, cold, frozen in place, or ready to
lash out in violence of word or deed. When you recognize that that’s where
you’re at, it’s time to be really gentle with yourself, as if you were a
beloved friend who’s in the middle of a crisis situation. In your mind, you
really are in crisis mode. Breathe deeply. Put on some wordless music that can
soothe you. Ask for a hug. Drink a glass of water. When the reaction starts to
subside, then you can look into why it happened that way for you. Find a
trusted friend or professional to help contain your experience and memories and
reactions with you.
We all have cyclical things that we deal with. Regardless of
gender or age or ethnicity or anything else, it’s part of being human. The moon
and stars and sun and earth beneath us move in cycles, and we are made of that
stuff deep in our cells, so we do too. Flowing with it is much more meaningful
than resisting it.
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